Why ask why?
Safe to say that my curiosity and seeking is well documented. I am a curious sort. I recently had a discussion surround the idea of releasing the need to know why, the constant seeking, searching, energy lost and confusion gained in the constant pursuit of WHY. And today in conversation I found myself, yet again dancing on the words "And do you know why?!" like I was skipping across murky, unknown waters on lily pads of inquiry. The never-ending pursuit of why is my gravity. Knowing why keeps me from floating away in worry and doubt. A sense of knowing gives me the comfort of feeling right side up in an upside-down world.
Is the comfort of feeling like I have found the answer even real? Or is this a false sense of security that I build for myself?
All the things I write about seem to be the thoughts and distillation of great conversations that I have with wise friends. It's great to have wise friends.
Recently a wise friend shared with me two stories of tragedy. She had recently faced a tragedy. No - more accuratey she had witnessed tragedy play out in the life of someone she held dear. He was no longer here to answer her question "WHY?". Then a short time later she was faced with another person living out a tragedy and bearing it's scars.
Out of our conversation of this juxtaposition of life came the question:
What if we don't get to know why?
How would we live if we stopped searching for the why? Why did this happen? To me? To them? To us? Why me? Why again? Why still? Why my parents? Why mother, why??
DEAR GOD WHY????
What would happen if we stopped all the energy flowing into why we are where we are, in this situation, with these circumstances, with this pain, in this place?
What if we channeled all that energy into forward movement? What if we focused not on why did it happen, but on why am I here? How can I be of service? It is what it is. What am I going to do now?
I've spent a lifetime asking why(!!?) with all of the raw emotion of Marlon Brando crying out STELLAAAAA! a la Streetcar Named Desire. And I wonder what would have happened if I channeled all of this questioning and pondering into who do I want to be?What will I do now that I have these cards to play? What is the reason I'm here? How can I be of service? How can I use this to help others?
I don't have any answers for any of these questions. But they are what I'm pondering on this rainy day.
What if I just effing let go of why?