Once again, I am learning the power of silence.
Silence allows the space to fully see and experience what is happening both on the outside and inside. In silence it is mine. There is no input, no judgement, no shame, or resistance. There is never more power than in the silence before the intake of air you use to speak… to put what is inside out into the void, the ether, another’s ears.
In that silence I can ask myself…
What do I want from sharing? Release? Validation? Support? Pity? Reaction? Listening?
Why am I sharing this?
What do I expect?
Should I release my expectations?
Or should I see that expectation as intuition?
Is this better shared or kept as my own?
I wonder how many of us hold the belief that in relationship everything must be shared. Is that true? Is that healthy? Is that the ultimate goal to meld two people into one shared experience? Or are there times and experiences that should be kept in sacred silence for me alone?
And what of support? Is it healthy to ask - no - demand that of another person? Is that the expectation of relationship? Ever supportive? And what of showing support in the way we most want to receive support? Does that do more damage than help? And in attempting to adapt to another’s needs… is that manipulation? Or is that healthy? Where are the lines?
All I know is that I am not strong. All the talking has made me weak. I am thin. Threadbare. Worn down by the wearing of sound on my ears. Silence is my strength. In the deafening stillness I gain my strength.
And so I move quietly on…